the auction house
by darkestelipse
Summary: what if... krad and dark got auctioned. complete with toothpaste oddity and randomness read to find out more...


**hi - umm this is a oneshot of purist oddity - helped by my friend charlotte or jinx.**

**Disclaimer- we do not own d.n.angel if we did we would be probably the  
luckiest girls in the world.**

**please enjoy and please revew**

Pip- and you join us here for the auction of the lifetime where 2 of the  
handsomest people get auctioned to the highest bidder. BRING THEM IN!

Charlotte- Im in this one as well weeeeee!

Pip- yes indeed you are and the excitement is getting to everybody. Are the  
2 idiots I mean very handsome and smart (gives an sick look) people in  
place?

Charlotte- (evilly) yes indeed they are.

Pip- ok let begin (bangs a hammer) sorry I couldn't fine a mallet. Bring in  
the sucker. (Krad enters) now shall we start 1p do I here any bids  
(satoshi's dad put his hand up) no not you your bared from bidding on Krad.  
You had your toy boy long enough.

Satoshi's dad- but that's not fair Im the only one who will bid for him.  
Come on please.

Charlotte and pip - no. Get it

S d - fine I get it

Charlotte- no you don't get it you think you get it but your not getting it.  
Get it.

S d- please can I at least bid 1p

Pip- fine 1p that's all ok. Geez why do you have to make things harder  
than they already are. Do you know how much work we had do in this Fanfic?

S d- ummm.

Charlotte - no you don't so shut up.

Pip- and we have 1p do I hear 5p from anyone  
(satoshi's puts hand)

Charlotte- WHAT your bidding for him I thought you wanted to get rid of that  
sucker.

Satoshi's - yes I did I just wanted to give it him for his Christmas  
present

Charlotte- ahem what did we tell your dad.

Satoshi's - ummm he couldn't have Krad for a toy boy

Charlotte- yes well and that mean you are not allowed to give him Krad for  
Christmas, birthdays or and other special holiday in the world. Got it.

Satoshi's - yes miss does that mean I can have him for myself then.

Charlotte and pip - your family is sick in the mind did you know that.

Satoshi's and satoshi's dad- yes we do know that its nothing new to us.

Charlotte - ok enough with that

Pip- anymore bids

Riku- 6p

Charlotte and pip - ok then

Risa - 7p

Pip- ok this is just getting stranger by the minute. Anymore, no, going once  
going twice, sold to… Risa (gives her weird look). And on to the next one.

Charlotte (evilly)- Dark… mwahahaha

Pip- ok enough with the sound effects. Look at him, he's scared enough by  
you, if he looks to scared no one will bid for him.

Charlotte- I know I have very good memories about him. TOOTHPASTE!

Dark- NOOOOO anything but that Ill do anything, hang on how do you know  
about my dream.

Charlotte- doesn't matter. So you'll do anything then.

Dark (whimpering in the corner to get as far away from the toothpaste as he  
can)- yes anything. Especially if its with a girl…

Charlotte (hits him with a massive toothpaste packet)- you PERVERT.

Dark (crying) - NOOOOO ok ok Ill stop now.

Pip - good god look it Daisukes hanging from the ceiling hahaha I mean oh no  
poor Daisuke might be killed.

Emiko- honey I know you want to be a monkey but can you at least wait till  
you get home

Daisuke- if you think Im doing this a purpose IM NOT, SOMEONE HELP  
MEEEEEEE.

Charlotte- dark fly up there and get him

Dark- I cant

Pip- why?

Dark - because I cant fly it just ropes and strings pulling me though the  
air

Charlotte- and you call yourself a hero (grabs dark by the neck and throws  
him into the air)

Dark -(falls flat on his face) - nooooooooooooo

Charlotte - hahahahahahahaha

Pip- ok, ok enough with hero bit, time to get auctioning. Ok here is the  
last of the suckers …

Dark - oi what did you call me.

Pip - shut up and let me get on with it. Ok where was I ummm oh yeah. Ill  
start the auction at 5p do I here 10p

Dark- are you trying to make a fool out of me cause its working

Charlotte- good now shut up.

Pip: hay at least I didn't start the auction at 1p. Any bids?

Risa- 10p

Charlotte - you already got Krad

(Krad is in the corner crying)

Risa- but I saw dark first.

Riku - no, I saw him before you

Risa - did he kiss you?

Riku - yes

Charlotte and Risa- WHAT

Riku - yeah he kissed me to keep quiet  
(Risa look at dark with a very scary face)

Dark- ok I should start a job out of this

Risa - (with toothpaste in her hand) you kissed my sister

Dark - ok I thought charlotte was scary but this bring a whole new meaning  
to that. Risa put the tube down.

Risa - you kissed, my sister

Pip - I think she needs a glass of water, or judging by the expression on  
her face maybe something stronger.

Charlotte - I've got a cup of tea (trip and it go over dark) maybe not.

Dark - oww

Charlotte - take it like a man

Pip- charlotte behave or Ill say something that you did to dark in the  
night

Charlotte- ok, ok don't tell him

Dark - what did you do to me

Charlotte- nothing

Dark - pip tell her she's scaring me

Pip- charlotte, your scaring dark

Risa- you kissed my sister

Riku - no it was Daisuke I kissed remember when you were staring at Satoshi  
in volume 7 right at the end.

Risa- how did you know about that!

Riku - Im you're sister I know everything about you.

Risa - damn

Satoshi- hahaha

Risa -I dunno what your laughing at

Pip- ok then shall we get on with the auction

Riku- that's nice to hear

Pip- I hear 10p do I hear 15p?

Emiko- me, me, me

Pip - anymore bids? No? Going once going twice and sold to Emiko for 15p.

Dark - but I was born into that family.

Charlotte - oh well.

Dark - you were quiet I thought you went out of the room

Charlotte- I just haven't had anything to say. God you're so annoying  
sometimes

Dark - thanks you hurt my feelings (pretends to cry)

Charlotte- and I thought you were a man but obviously I thought wrong didn't  
I.

Dark - I am a MAN do I have to show you prove that I am one.

Pip and co except charlotte - oooooooooooooooooooooooo fight, fight, fight

Charlotte - go on then

Dark - you asked for it (flashes)

Pip- ok that was definitely something I didn't need to see.

Charlotte- (fall to the floor) I think I have brain damage.

Dark - you said to prove it so I did

Risa - (stare at dark) nice

Dark - Risa are you feeling ok cause you look a bit off colour

Pip- ummm I wonder why - lets think.

Daisuke - what's that smell

Charlotte - oh you do talk then

Daisuke - yeah, what is that smell

Risa - ewwwwww

Everyone runs to a window

Dark - did everyone make it out alive (looks back)

(Daisuke lying there unconscious)

Satoshi- now how did I know that he would be the only one left behind.

Krad- he'll wake up in a few hours time.

Dark - you, you did that.

Krad- sorry I had sprouts and beans for lunch.

Satoshi- (gets gas mask) Im goin in. (runs in and grabs Daisuke) yippee  
now I can give my little Daisukes-wisuke the kiss of life.

Riku - nooooooooooooo

Pip- to late.

Charlotte- this isn't just gender building is it.

Pip- and we leave this auction in a state of complete destruction, if any  
reader got brain damage please don't hesitate to contact your local  
psychiatrist, or in this case a wall might prove more useful - don't ask me  
why but psychiatrists these days aren't trained to deal with character  
trauma. Please tune in and join us for a day at the races - a new exciting  
sport coming soon to a Fanfic near you.

Charlotte- quit the advertising I need help hear.

Pip-good by dear readers (charlotte gets pushed into her by dark pip is now  
squashed in the mud)

Dark-yeh see you soon.

Charlotte- (knocks dark out with a giant tube of toothpaste) see ya.

The end.

P.s

Dark- nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Charlotte - take it like a man!

Riku- Daisuke

Risa- my sister kissed dark

Satoshi - are you all right now Daisuke

Daisuke- NOOOOO!

Pip- this mud tastes weird!

Krad - (still crying) sorry

_Definitely the end_

**sooooooooooooo did ya like it - please let us know - and we were serious about the racing oneshot - comin soon.**


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